If You Wear Jeans, You Are Probably A Feminist

I got into a really ridiculous argument on twitter last night. 
It all kicked off when my friend LE questioned a guy on him making an extremely sexist joke - "What does a woman have in common with a bowling ball? They both get picked up, fingered, and thrown down an alley." Yeah, I know, it makes me wince as well. So he promptly came back with something along the lines of "Nooo, I don't hate women, I just hate feminists." 
OH
MY
GOD.
Or gosh, if you're particularly religious. How could I not chip in?
I like to think, in our life and times, that all women are feminists. Even if you say "I am not a feminist", you are using rights GIVEN TO YOU BY FEMINISM to express that opinion. In fact, if you identify as a woman, and have ever voted, voiced a personal opinion, worn jeans, rocked out to Kylie, or taken control of your own vagina, YOU ARE A FEMINIST. I have a sinking feeling that the word 'feminism' has become rather unfashionable. Feminism has become a grammatical mine field for 'man hating', and 'big pant wearing'. Let me tell you something; you can wear big pants and be a feminist. You can wear small pants and be a feminist. Your choice of pant does not reflect your political views*. Let me tell you something else; every time I see a teenage girl, in denim hot pants, and one side of her head shaved, saying "Nah, I'm not a feminist, I don't see the point, y'know?" a kitten dies.** Without feminism, you COULD NOT WEAR DENIM HOTPANTS, OR SHAVE YOUR HEAD. 
So, back to Twitter. Around this point some other dude started chipping in, claiming that there was no reason for feminism to carry on existing, and started to wonder if I could stab someone in the eyes, via the internet. Of course there's a reason for feminism to still exist. There are many reasons, in fact. The main reason I gave as an example, being that the majority of reported cases of women being raped are either not taken seriously, or ignored. HOW IS THAT OK!?*** If we're living in a world where rapists are still being permitted to roam free, we're living in a world where we still need feminism. I fully admit that there are many cases of men being raped - it's a horrible crime which affects all aspects of gender, race, religion and social class - which are not fully followed up as well, but contrary to what my twitter friends think, I'm pretty sure there are more cases of women being raped than men. Scrap that, according to the Stern Review, 8% of reported rape victims are male. It also claimed that 99% of convicted rapists are male. Point proven. 
Well, to cut a (very) long story short, the guy who managed to kick the whole debate off later apologized. However, both of them later deleted all of their tweets from the debate. I have no idea what this means, feel free to jump to your own conclusions. I learned to say 'I am a strident feminist' without feeling ashamed, and that if someone resorts to correcting your spelling, they have probably lost the argument.
In the last year, I have developed one test for whether or not feminism is still needed. In recent years, it has become semi socially acceptable for men to talk about their genitals in public, yet it still remains fairly taboo for women to do the same. Thus, we shall need feminism until the day I can stand in the middle of an office, and say the words "yeast infection", without a single person flinching, hiding under their desk, or pelting me with biros. 

*Just as feminism has nothing to do with pants, it also has nothing to do with man-hating. "Feminism is a demand for equal respect between genders, not for superiority of sex" - Me
**I may have made this up.
***I apologize for the amount of capslock I'm using in this post.****
****How many foot notes do you think I can shoehorn into this post?*****
*****Five. The answer is five.

A Real Grown Up Conversation About Armpit Hair

OK, come on then, sit down. It's time we had a Grown Up Conversation. I try and not talk about gender politics too much, but tough, my blog, I'll write what I damn well like. So. Grown Up Conversation.
OK, one quick funny first. NT and I were looking at the website of a Berlin sex club which Lady Gaga once took Caitlin Moran to. It has an event called 'Filthy Farm'. The description for this event was simply 'FARMER'. This is simultaneously the most and least worrying description on the website. 
So, Conversation. I want to talk about hair. No, not head hair, or vagina hair, before you start going on. You're just putting your own filth in now. No, I want to talk about armpit hair. 
You just flinched, didn't you? Don't deny it, I can tell. 
So, long story short, if you are a woman/girl/lady/drag queen, I do not care if you have pit hair. I do not think it makes you any more or less of a woman. I don't think that it makes you 'masculine', or dirty. I think if someone really cares that much about whether or not you shave your armpits, they really need to reconsider their life choices. 
A lot of people recently have been talking about vagina hair, and the two different parties on the topic seem to be either 'you should shave it, it makes you prettier to men', or 'you don't need to shave, it's a waste of time and makes you look like a twelve year old'. Personally, I'm with the second group. I don't really care if you shave your lady bits or not, and I don't think it's my place to tell you what to do, I just don't see why everyone seems so fussed about it. 
The whole lady shaving thing kicked off with legs, somewhere in the twenties. A company thought  "Hey, the birds are starting to get their pegs out, how can we make a bit of cash off the back of this?" and hence, the leg razor was born. Armpits were the next to fall, and vaginas (vaginae) came quickly after, succumbing to the wishes of the lady razor. It literally is nothing more than a marketing ploy, that somehow managed to crate a social taboo. I remember a while ago, Cosmo ran an article where they dared a journalist to go a month without shaving her pits. She reported that if she raised her arm in a club to summon the bartender, he would flinch. All I have to say to him is grow up. Men do not shave their pits, and no one cares. Why should it be such a social boundary for a woman to occasionally say, "No, not now, I'd rather watch Eastenders than scrape a very sharp piece of metal over my skin at the moment".  
I admit, I do shave my armpits. Of course I do. I go to secondary school. Not shaving my armpits would be like wandering around school with a huge 'kick me' sign on my back. But instead of being stuck to my back, it would be nailed to my forehead, and instead of saying 'kick me', it would say 'please bash my face in with a hammer'.
Two of my biggest role models are Amanda Palmer, and Louise Brealey. Both very talented women, and both massive feminists, and both very, well... feminine. Amanda does not shave her armpits. She appears in nearly all of her music videos half naked, makeup on, and armpits hairy. And she doesn't look disgusting. She just looks strong, and a little bit sexy. Louise Brealey is currently appearing as Helen of Troy, in a play called The Trojan Women. In one scene, she has to appear naked. She wrote an article for The Times, talking about how much it terrified her, to go on stage in front of a hundred people, night after night and drop her towel to the floor. She also wrote that to help herself, she grew out her armpit hair. The feeling that she didn't have to follow the beauty ideals of society made her more confident. 
And this is what I'd like to impart to you, whomever may be reading this. You do not have to have a perfectly round arse to be sexy, and neither do you need to have naked armpits, or stick glitter to your vag. Strength is sexy. Promise.