Four Trends Women HATE!

So I figured that after Six Trends That Men HATE, is was only fair to do the opposite, the four  trends that women hate. We women can be VERY picky, when it comes to what our men wear. Assuming we’re straight. Jesus, imagine writing a fashion article aimed at lesbians? It would be shit, wouldn’t it? They don’t know ANYTHING about fashion.

1. Body hair. This new trend has struck up recently of men not shaving their body hair. I know, GROSS? They think it’s okay to just wonder around with it all on show, but it isn’t. I don’t want a flash of stinky pit hair every time you hail a taxi. Thanks.
2. Going topless. So guys at the beach (and even on the streets in summer), have been going topless. Everything on show. In front of CHILDREN. Come on lads, no one wants to be having a nice swim, then catch a glimpse of nip. There are children around, jeez! Save it for your wives.
3. Pants on show. Having the top of your pants peeking over your jeans isn’t classy. It just makes you look cheap.
4. Obey snapbacks. Really?

Check out the Six Trends That Men HATE

Six Trends That Men HATE!

I’ve seen quite a lot of articles on variations of ‘trends men hate’, or ‘looks that turn men off’. Now, I know quite a bit about fashion, and even more about men. You have to feed them at least three times a day and always make sure they have clean newspaper.  So naturally, I thought I would lend you my worldly wisdom and tell you the six trends that men REALLY don’t want to see you wearing. And if you do wear them, you will never get laid again EVER.

1. Wings. Got tiny wings sprouting from your shoulder blades? Slice ‘em off, ladies. Being able to hover three inches off the ground will not help your posture. And they just make you harder to catch.
2. Acknowledging you have a vagina in any way apart from taking your knickers off. Accidently drop a tampon on the way to the loo? Carrying your new born baby? Ew, ladies, please. Guys don’t need to see that, your vagina is for THEIR PLEASURE. Keep your private life at home. Have some self-respect.
3. Cutting off one boob, in the manner of an Amazonian queen. Ok, well It’s great that you can easily fire a bow and arrow now, but that won’t get you a husband. It’s just kinda intimidating.
4. Floor length capes. They’re baggy and unappealing. If you got it, you should flaunt it. No one cares if you’re the Ice Queen of Narnia, honey. Aslan may go for the ‘great and powerful’ look, but he’s a lion, not the guy from the office.
5. Ram horns. Some say they show inner power, strength, and experience as a skilled warrior. We say you have bone growing out of your head, and that’s just creepy. No.
6. Over-sized hoodies. Because lord forbid you should actually be comfortable. 

Check out the Four Trends That Women HATE

Your Fetish Confuses Me

So quite recently I saw an advert for a website called uniformdating.com. Does pretty much what it says on the tin: it’s a dating site for ‘people who work in uniform’, or people who ‘fancy those who do’. Despite the fact that it’s using language more commonly found in the play ground, it could have cut to the chase by just saying ‘we cater to those with a uniform fetish’. Using the word ‘fetish’ generally makes things much clearer, especially when the alternative is ‘fancy’. 
This is a concept that I (personally), find quite odd. In our society, uniforms are just another thing that have been grotesquely parodied and exaggerated into a fantasy land for sexual gratification, just like, well, most things, actually. And this is fine, there is nothing wrong with fantasies, kinks or fetishes. But uniforms? In reality? Let’s just a quick peek at the four main fetishised uniforms out there:

1. Policeman. The idea of a strong, masculine authority figure, someone to disobey and be punished by. Slightly ruined by the penis hat. I think the idea here is not so much the uniform itself, but rather the idealist image of the person wearing it. This could almost come into BDSM culture, and the dominant, commanding figure (no, get out Fifty Shades, you are not welcome here). But there’s still the issue of the penis hat, avec wild-west style sheriff badge. 
2. Fireman. The modern day knight in shining armor  Someone to come rescue you from your burning tower (the fire being started by a fearsome dragon, and definitely not because you left your hair straighteners on the bed.) Again, it’s the head wear that spoils it. I think it would be pretty hard to make out with someone required to wear a gas mask. 
3. Nurse. OK, I get this, but only if we’re in the 1950’s. Nurse’s uniforms were great back then; demure, knee length dresses, fitted blouses, the little caps? Adorable. But then the 80’s happened (doesn't it always), and scrubs appeared. Scrubs are the medical equivalent of feetie pajamas for bedroom wear, and one of the most sexless items of clothing out there. No stars.
4. School girl. If you like this, you’re probably a pedophile.

So no, I was never born to understand the uniform fetish. With a lot of imagination, and a dash of questionable morals, maybe a uniform could be considered attractive. But I don’t think it’s really the clothing that people find desirable  it’s the stereotyped person that belongs in the uniform. The authority figure, the rescuer, the carer (I’m going to ignore the school girl for the good of everyone’s sanity.)
I hope you all had a very sexy Christmas.

Things that are great this week:
Ben Whishaw in damp knitwear
Ben Whishaw in a short film
Archaeology in Rome
How to make a glow stick with Mountain Dew

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