A Slightly Delayed Prom Post

“Right then,” Said the photographer. “Girls sand side on, hand on hips. Oh, right, yes. That’s it. Boys, arms folded and stand at an angle good. Okay?”

I raised my hand. “Um, excuse me. Not to be a bother, but what do I do?”

He looked at the suit/high heels combo. “You do whatever you like, love.”

“Oh. Can I pull ninja moves then?”

“If you like.”

So I did. That roughly set the tone for the LMS Year 13 Prom night, at least from where I was standing. After the first glass of wine, I’d for gotten which gender I’m attracted to, and by the second I’d forgotten which gender I am. By the time I’d won Best Dressed Female (possibly the highlight of my life so far, and still did nothing to remind me that I am a woman), everything had got out of hand, and no one was safe. I have to say, I’m still slightly surprised. I’ve never heard of a cross dressing lesbian winning anything at a prom before. And I’m really glad that I did. Not so much for my sake (who am I kidding) but more because it shows what a wonderful place my school can be. We have a bad reputation for how middle class we are. We may be posh as hell, but at least we’re open minded.

I know a lot of people who were at prom read this blog; so thank you. Thank you so much for voting for me, since so many people there genuinely looked stunning. I loved seeing how many people had taken inspiration from The Great Gatsby for their dressed; the amount of sequins was divine.

Thank you to the boy who I’ve never spoken to before, who did a double take, and said “Nice suit. Respect.” Sorry I hugged you. You were not expecting it. And thank you to the girl who told me she’d nearly come with hairy pits, but then decided she didn’t have enough stubble to make it worthwhile. You’re now my best friend. In my head.  I’m very glad (and surprised) that people actually pay attention to the things I write here.

So thank you again, and sorry to anyone who I hit on. I hope you all have a lovely summer. x

The Infamous Ninja Moves

The hell do I work this chainsaw?

It's Just... I've Been REALLY Busy

I'm aware that I've been neglecting this blog a little, over the past few weeks. This may be because I now know I have an audience, there is more pressure to please, and write something interesting, which I just haven't been able to think of. It may be because I've been quite busy, and with the added pressure of coursework, haven't had that much time to blog.
Or it might just be that I'm really, goddamn lazy.
Either way, I got a new camera for Christmas so I thought I'd indulge myself, and show you all the things I've been doing which I haven't been online.

Whitby happened...

I dressed up like Noel Fielding to visit 221B Baker Street on my 18th...

I was coerced by my mother into taking this slightly shady photo  with a police man outside the Sherlock Holmes Museum...

I had my first legal drink at the Sherlock Holmes pub just before we went to see Spamalot...

CH and I walked the Monsal trail...

And it was hilarious...

And then SB and I both looked glorious at CG's party - a very happy birthday to her!

 I promise I'll get back to regular updates soon. But they may just be me crying over coursework.

Things That Happened... (Prizes if you guess the theme)
A fox with a camera
Another fox with a camera
Yet another fox with a camera
The best fox with a camera

Rewriting Cosmo #1: 3 Ways To Be Party Confident

Don’t get me wrong, I love Cosmopolitan magazine as much as the next girl, but I've never been able to shake this nagging feeling that it sometimes is a little bit silly. The magazine which we all know today has watched over the lives of women since the 1960’s - as long as those women are white, unmarried, childless, straight and with disposable income. It also helps if they're a little bit insecure.
So, because I feel that it can be a little bit silly, I decided to take some time to rewrite an article or two before actually reading them. Just for the sake of comparison, of course...

3 Ways To Be Party Confident

1. Get smashed. This may seem kind of obvious, but it’s still worth listing. Do it with style; you’re partying! I recommend purchasing a monocle, top hat and stick-on mustache a little ahead of schedule, then arming yourself with a nice big glass of red wine. Depending on how many of your co-workers you will have to interact with, feel free to skip the glass and head right on to the bottle. It’ll help. Trust me.
2. Wear nice shoes. It literally doesn't matter what else you wear, as long as you have nice shoes. If you turn up in a potato sack and a pair of Louboutins, it will be fine. However, this does not work in reverse. If you wear Westwood with a pair of trainers, I will come for you. You may not even know me, but I will find you. Oh yes; I will find you, and destroy you. PS - yellow shoes inexplicably go with anything. Anything.
3. If in doubt, just assume that nobody cares. The likelihood of you seeing these people again is way too slim for it to matter, and on the off chance you do see them any time soon, they’ll stop returning your emails after about six months. Probably because you both finally sobered up enough to remember that extra Jager Bomb, and how you and Jasmine ended up under the table with each others pants on your head. Jesus, you were a mess that night. What is wrong with you.

So that's my advice to you. You probably shouldn't follow it, although I hope you've already figured that out for yourself. I did actually go and read the original Cosmo article in the end, and it came up with this;

1. Don’t overthink it.
2. Ask a question. About Anything.
3. Remember you’re brilliant.

Whatever, that’s rubbish advice. Ignore what I said earlier, I talk shed loads of sense.