The problems that come with being introverted is that being around large groups of people tends to exhaust me. Physically, my brain processes more information to a deeper level than an extroverted brain (for once that isn’t me trying to show off how clever I am; it’s a fact. Science, man.) This is why I’m ‘not very good at parties’. That’s a lie; I’m awesome at parties. I just have to leave a little bit earlier than most people would/have a little lie down somewhere quiet for a while. Unfortunately, clubs and bars don’t tend to have places to ‘have a little lie down’, which is why if you come out with me, you’ll probably find me hiding in the toilets a lot. I just need time to focus, and process information on my own. Being around people makes me feel very crowded, and after a while I get scared, and have to leave before I start shouting, or crying, and either way I will start looking for somewhere to hide like a fat kid trying to find cake.
I’m not telling you any of this to make you feel sorry for me; I just need you to understand. If I end up at a party, and I vanish, it’s fine. If anyone says, “Hey, where’s Az?” The best thing you can do is very loudly say “OH, Az you say? She had to leave. There was a thing. Top secret thing. Government top secret thing. She’ll be back in half an hour.” And leave it at that.
I don’t mind being introverted. I actually quite like it. It gives me time to sit on my own and read things like this; an essay on gay sex in ancient Egypt. Or play with my cats, or write stupid stories about Brian Cox pining for Boris Johnson. But sometimes I just get tired, or feel guilty for not spending as much time with my friends as I should. At least I’ve finally got used to the cold shock of fear that comes with being told to work in groups at school. I’m a lot better at dealing with new people than I used to be, and I’m sorry if I ever made you upset by how I acted when at a party. I’m like a toddler; I get grouchy when I’m tired.
I’m sat in the garden writing this, and its evening. It’s a lovely night, but my youngest cat is currently chasing flies. Which is partly extremely funny, and partly he just launched himself onto my laptop, so what do you think?
I was walking past a greasy spoon café earlier, and saw a handwritten sign in the window that said “Hamsters for sale”. I turned to the woman next to me and asked “Do you think they come with chips, or mushy peas?”*
*Confession: there was no woman. I was on my own. I just wanted to sound cool.
PS Final update on the Below The Line Challenge; I've now sent in all the money we raised, and together we managed £216! Which i awesome, thank you so much for all your support.