12 Oct 2013

What Not To Say In A Driving Lesson

I'm trying to get in the habit of writing a little bit more regularly, so here's a dumb list blog, because I haven't done one in a while. I'm also not bothering to type it up on Word first, so it's back to the good, old fashioned, Az-can't-spell-type-or-use-grammar days. I should also point out that I'm drinking a combo of 'glitter juice' (pomegranate juice with gold glitter, thanks M&S), and vodka. It's a cracking combo, but I am worried that I'm going to turn into liquid music. Or Robots In Disguise. I don't mind which. 

Most of you probably know that I'm learning to drive at the moment. It's going well, although I have put my foot in it a few times. Here's some stuff you shouldn't say in a driving lesson. Not all of them are me; I'll let you guess which ones are direct quotes.

  1. "I'm really worried that I'm just going to run someone over. Possibly on purpose." 
  2. "Have you ever rolled a car? Do you want to try?" 
  3. "What would you do if I drove into that wall?"  
  4. "Have you ever done 80mph in  hearse? I have." 
  5. "Why's it making that noise? Have I changed gear? Which gear am I in? Oh God, the noise is getting worse. The car hates me, WHY DOES THE CAR HATE ME?!"
  6. "What colour was that traffic light?"
  7. "The brake is that little lever behind the steering wheel, I would assume."
  8. "Well, I've driven a lorry before, but I was drunk that time, so I don't think it counts."
  9. "Can you just grab the wheel for me? I need to re-do my eyeliner."
Pointed reminder: I did NOT say all of these. I know the brake is that little button on the ceiling.

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