Next Year Is Going To Consist Of Gay Bars And Radio 4

So in less than two days time, it'll be 2013. That's well crazy, cause I'm pretty sure it was 2008 about five minutes ago. The last Harry Potter book came out over five years ago. I can remember queuing up round the back of Waterstones at midnight, dressed as Bellatrix Lestrange. I swear that was only last year....
Anyway, anyway, anyway, I make new years resolutions every year, and never, ever keep them (mostly because I've forgotten what they are by February.) But this year, I am determined, determined goddamn it to keep them . Mostly by making them really, really easy to achieve.

1. Don't start doing heroin. Do start doing heroines. They're well fit. But the lady sort, not the drug sort. I'm kicking off with this one, because I know I can keep it. There's no chance of me doing heroin. I listen to too much Radio 4.
2. Cut down on tea. Ahahaha, this won't happen. But the sentiment is nice, right? I need tea like a nun needs cock. If I go too long without it, I do get cravings. I wouldn't go as far to say that I have a caffeine addiction, because it is only tea. It's just.. really, really nice. Shush. I love tea. It's just turning me into a bit of an insomniac.
3. Don't make a tit of myself in another country. I'm going to Berlin next year, just for a few days. It would be nice if I didn't mortally embarrass myself there. Also, not getting lost in a German sex club would be nice. Damn, those things are scary.  There is a high chance I won't actually get there anyway, I have terrible organisation. 
4. Do more writing. This is actually quite likely, I like writing, it is fun. I want to learn how to write proper stoies, and have characters that talk to me, and get a column published in a newspaper. Also, it's really useful for picking up girls.
5. Get off with a transvestite. No real reason for this, I just have a bit of a thing for drag queens.