I'll be honest, this isn't a real post. I just need to tell you some stuff quickly. First off, I have decided to name the readers of my blog Shipmates. Seeing as it's called "I am the Pirate Captain" and all that. Second, sorry I haven't updated for a while. You may not get any proper updates till next week. Sorry. I'm just y'know. Really busy. Luckily though, I have two rather meaty posts that I'm looking forward to writing (and hopefully you're looking forward to reading.) I just have a lot of stuff on, but with any luck, by the end of the month we'll have tackled democracy, drama, and menstrual cycles (I promise you it won't be as scary as it sounds. Please don't leave.)
I'm off to Berlin at the end of the month. If I don't have a couple of great stories to crack out at the end of that, I clearly need to rethink my future career.
Next, I FOUND THE FEMALE BRIAN COX. Long story short, I read a story about a mummified mammoth carcass, there was a quote from a scientist, I looked her up, etc. So I present to you Alice Roberts, a very clever and very pretty lady who knows a lot of stuff. She's written books and been on Coast, and is generally really great. We love Alice Roberts.
I was in a YouTube video! My friend Lauren is quite a talented film maker, and was recently in my house. She was filming a vlog, and I sort of ended up wandering into it. FJ, if you're reading this, the reason you're mentioned is because I was impressed that you had 'liked' something on my Facebook. That is all. Thus, here is me reading gay fan fiction aloud.
And finally I should probably say thanks to I Set The Sea On Fire, who I like to call my very good friends, and who promoted me on their Twitter feed. Thanks guys. Bellow is a photo from their album launch.
To wrap up, I'm sorry this post is awful, normal service will be resumed shortly. OH, and THANK YOU TO YOU, dear Shipmates. I genuinely never thought anyone would ever read this, so every time anyone tells me that they read this, or enjoy it, my brain just... stops. Thank you for the continued love and support. It's making me crave journalism more than ever. So you may or may not be digging your own graves. I love you.
And very quickly, I wrote a story about the misadventures of Brian Cox and Boris Johnson. I hope you like it. I may write more.
So in less than two days time, it'll be 2013. That's well crazy, cause I'm pretty sure it was 2008 about five minutes ago. The last Harry Potter book came out over five years ago. I can remember queuing up round the back of Waterstones at midnight, dressed as Bellatrix Lestrange. I swear that was only last year....
Anyway, anyway, anyway, I make new years resolutions every year, and never, ever keep them (mostly because I've forgotten what they are by February.) But this year, I am determined, determined goddamn it to keep them . Mostly by making them really, really easy to achieve.
- Don't start doing heroin. Do start doing heroines. They're well fit. But the lady sort, not the drug sort. I'm kicking off with this one, because I know I can keep it. There's no chance of me doing heroin. I listen to too much Radio 4.
- Cut down on tea. Ahahaha, this won't happen. But the sentiment is nice, right? I need tea like a nun needs cock. If I go too long without it, I do get cravings. I wouldn't go as far to say that I have a caffeine addiction, because it is only tea. It's just.. really, really nice. Shush. I love tea. It's just turning me into a bit of an insomniac.
- Don't make a tit of myself in another country. I'm going to Berlin next year, just for a few days. It would be nice if I didn't mortally embarrass myself there. Also, not getting lost in a German sex club would be nice. Damn, those things are scary. There is a high chance I won't actually get there anyway, I have terrible organisation.
- Do more writing. This is actually quite likely, I like writing, it is fun. I want to learn how to write proper stoies, and have characters that talk to me, and get a column published in a newspaper. Also, it's really useful for picking up girls.
- Get off with a transvestite. No real reason for this, I just have a bit of a thing for drag queens.
