17 Feb 2013

Cats Are Great, Aren't They?

I have cats. I have five, to be precise. Four at my Mum's house, and one at Dad's. They are all sweet, and very, very mental. For the majority of our time, we stay out of each other's way, and this suits us just fine. It also means they never bother me for food every time I walk into the kitchen, like they do with Mum. I know a few people who have cats. The majority of them can quite neatly be grouped into three, quite neat, categories. (Cat-egories. Geddit? Huh? Huh? Oh God. Kill me.)

  1. May or may not be from ancient Egypt. The cat is holy, and to be worshiped by all who dare to witness it. It is not allowed outside. It is not allowed to touch the floor. It has an eider down bed, and is regularly seen eating pasta and salmon from Waitrose. To be avoided. The cat owner will discuss the pros and cons of various feline grooming parlors for three hours at a time, and if you ever make the mistake of walking through their front door, you will be smacked in  the face with a pedigree certificate. 
  2. Is 10% chocolate, 40% bad wine, and 50% regret. The one who always suggests you read Bridget Jones at bookclub, even though you're focusing on Gothic literature this month. Always female, aged between 30 and 40. Probably has a calender counting down desperately to their menopause. Will repeatedly go on dates in attempt to become fertilized in time, but unfortunately  mentions the cat every five minutes. Will claim that the cat is her one true friend, despite the fact that the tiny, evil bastard is ruing her life. 
  3. Doesn't actually know they have a cat. One of two people: either has a farm, in which case; check the barn. You will be able to steal adorable kittens. OR, lives on a road that has a whore cat. Y'know, one of those ones that goes to about twenty different houses for food, cuddles and sleeps. This is the one you should be friends with; they aren't mental. Although at some point they will have had a deep and meaningful conversation with the cat, and told it all of their life secrets. Teach the cat to Speak English  Trust me, it'll be funny.  
Whatever. Have some stupid photos anyway.

And just because:

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