22 Feb 2013

Replying To Your Dilemmas With My Sexuality

It may seem odd that, being me, my all time favourite thing to be asked is:

"So are you really a lesbian?"

Oh my I'm-an-atheist-so-not-really-mine God. I love being asked this. Because the answer is yes. Yes, I am definitely a lesbian. I like making out with girls and everything. To be honest, I'll quite happily make out with boys as well, but there's a high chance I'll get bored quite quickly, and wonder off to make myself a sandwich. No sandwiches for boys. I'm not that much of a walking stereotype. 
So, yeah, I really am a lesbian. It's usually always slightly drunk, straight boys who end up asking me this, and there's a series of follow up questions that they go with, which make the initial conversation even sweeter.

1. "But I don't get that, I mean, how can that happen?"
Ok, so grammatically this makes no sense, but I see where you're coming from. I have explained it like this in the past; (this only works if you are a genuine straight male). Right, so you fancy girls, and want to touch them, and marry them. You do not want to do that to boys. It is exactly the same for me. I know this is hard to grasp - Is girl, therefore must like boys?! - but no, trust me, I like girls just as much as you do.

2."So you don't. like, fancy anyone?"
No, baby no, of course I fancy people. I just don't fancy boys. I fancy people who are the same gender as me. And Brian Cox. But apparently, fancying the same gender doesn't count in your head. Only fancying people of the opposite gender counts. Babe, that's not how fancying works. Sorry to burst your bubble. I realize this must be very hard for you to come to terms with. Yes, I definitely fancy people, but just because they are girls, doesn't mean they don't count.

3. "I bet I can turn you."
This doesn't even deserve punctuation in it's answer: AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no baby no you can't that's not how sexuality works you cannot somehow wave your magic penis wand and make me like men (especially now you've said that) if you made out with a guy you would probably not magically turn gay now leave me alone before I punch you in the balls and drive away in my big lesbian pick up truck.

It's ok. I realise you are a little drunk, and confused. It's probably my fault in the end, anyway. I don't own a single plaid shirt, which is probably why you're getting confused. Soz mate. 

PS Those are all genuine, word for word quotes said to me by confused, drunk, straight boys. Thank you for having the time to listen to me trying to explain this. Thank you for shutting up when I started shouting. 

Some other stuff what's going on:
My friend Lauren makes YouTube videos, go check them out!
I got a GoodReads account

Also I'm thinking of starting a side blog for my creative writing? I don't know. Thoughts please.

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