Shop Assistant (hereby known as SA): Good afternoon madam, do you need any help?
Me: So, yeah, I need to buy a hammer?
SA: Right, what sort if hammer are you looking for, madam?
Me: I don't know, just one that, y'know, hammers things.
SA: Right... what sort of things do you need to.. um, hammer, madam?
Me: Uh, nails, I guess. Like, not the nails on my fingers, cause that would just be stupid. Just regular, metal nails into wood. I don't really know what else people would ever actually need to hammer. I mean, I don't need a fancy hammer, just a regular hammer. Also, the cheaper the better. But not at that point of cheapness that it works once, then breaks, because that could be unfortunate. I don't want to be hammering something, and then just have the head fall off, and wow, that sounds weird. But yeah, I totally saw that happen to a guy once. He was just hammering the floor, and then the head just fell off. Actually, it wasn't even a hammer. It was a spade. And he was digging a ditch. But it's basically the same thing, amiright?
And then he left. Possibly forever. And no, I don't know what that means either.
Disclaimer: This conversation never happened, apart from in my head. Please don't ask me why I had an imaginary conversation with myself about hammers, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I am going to be terrible at living alone.