28 Dec 2012

Your Fetish Confuses Me

So quite recently I saw an advert for a website called uniformdating.com. Does pretty much what it says on the tin: it’s a dating site for ‘people who work in uniform’, or people who ‘fancy those who do’. Despite the fact that it’s using language more commonly found in the play ground, it could have cut to the chase by just saying ‘we cater to those with a uniform fetish’. Using the word ‘fetish’ generally makes things much clearer, especially when the alternative is ‘fancy’. 
This is a concept that I (personally), find quite odd. In our society, uniforms are just another thing that have been grotesquely parodied and exaggerated into a fantasy land for sexual gratification, just like, well, most things, actually. And this is fine, there is nothing wrong with fantasies, kinks or fetishes. But uniforms? In reality? Let’s just a quick peek at the four main fetishised uniforms out there:

  1. Policeman. The idea of a strong, masculine authority figure, someone to disobey and be punished by. Slightly ruined by the penis hat. I think the idea here is not so much the uniform itself, but rather the idealist image of the person wearing it. This could almost come into BDSM culture, and the dominant, commanding figure (no, get out Fifty Shades, you are not welcome here). But there’s still the issue of the penis hat, avec wild-west style sheriff badge. 
  2. Fireman. The modern day knight in shining armor  Someone to come rescue you from your burning tower (the fire being started by a fearsome dragon, and definitely not because you left your hair straighteners on the bed.) Again, it’s the head wear that spoils it. I think it would be pretty hard to make out with someone required to wear a gas mask. 
  3. Nurse. OK, I get this, but only if we’re in the 1950’s. Nurse’s uniforms were great back then; demure, knee length dresses, fitted blouses, the little caps? Adorable. But then the 80’s happened (doesn't it always), and scrubs appeared. Scrubs are the medical equivalent of feetie pajamas for bedroom wear, and one of the most sexless items of clothing out there. No stars.
  4. School girl. If you like this, you’re probably a pedophile.

So no, I was never born to understand the uniform fetish. With a lot of imagination, and a dash of questionable morals, maybe a uniform could be considered attractive. But I don’t think it’s really the clothing that people find desirable  it’s the stereotyped person that belongs in the uniform. The authority figure, the rescuer, the carer (I’m going to ignore the school girl for the good of everyone’s sanity.)
I hope you all had a very sexy Christmas.

Things that are great this week:
Ben Whishaw in damp knitwear
Ben Whishaw in a short film
Archaeology in Rome
How to make a glow stick with Mountain Dew

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