31 Dec 2012

Please Stop Force Feeding Me Red Wine, I Can Feel My Kidney's Melting

I am almost certainly not going to see The Hobbit. I realize that this post may get me more hate than anything I will ever have to say on gender politics (or get me killed), but I feel that I need to put this out there. I am almost certainly not going to see The Hobbit. 
I never did the Lord Of The Rings phase as a child. Most of the people I know got into the books around the age of five, and never came out again. At my primary school, there was an after school club dedicated to Lord Of The Rings War Hammer  run by one of the year five boys. Every Thursday, three girls and four boys would bring in all of the models and scenery that they had made at home and spend an hour rolling several dice, to decide which character would die first. I used to try and work out the real life trajectory of the elves bows and arrows, to see of they would actually wound any of my class-mates, on the off chance that they suddenly came to life.  
I did, briefly, attempt to read the books some time last year. I borrowed my step-dads copy of all three books in one, and had a real go at the first one. I gave up. The book now makes a very handy door stop.
Truth be told, The Hobbit is just another tick on the long list of things that Things That Society Thinks I Like Because I'm A Bit Of A Nerd, But I secretly Hate (OK, terrible list name, I know.) It includes things like Star Wars, Ghost Busters, and red wine (I have no idea how people like red wine. It tastes like alcoholic cat piss that's been poured over coal.)
These are the things that I sort-of-pretend to like when talking to someone I just met, and am trying to impress, and will later sheepishly admit that I've never really had all that much to do with them. People then end to scoff and say something along the lines of, "Don't be silly, everyone likes red wine. You just haven't tried enough of it. You're a freak if you don't like it." and then they force feed me red wine, leading to metaphorical liver failure and a mental breakdown. 
So I'm not even going to try this time. I do not like The Hobbit. I have tried it, I did not enjoy it.  Deal with it. I will not go on about how much I dislike it outside of this blog post, that's just rude. But likewise, please do not go on about how broken I am for not liking it. That's also rude. Rude. There's a song that goes along the lines of "It's OK to not like things/it's OK but don't be a dick about it". Likewise, it's OK to like things, just leave me out of it please thank you very much. I've tried The Hobbit, and Star Wars, and Ghost Busters, and they did nothing for me. To end, if I may, with a quote from Daniel Radcliffe, "I tried, and therefore no one can criticize me."


  1. Oh you :') I totes feel you on the Lord of the Rings - I never did the LotR phase either. I think it's maybe more of a boy thing. Lots of death and war and messy thing. I lurve the Hobbit book though - have you tried reading that? It's got a completely different tone to the LotR books. It's much lighter and happier and frolicking adventures. S'good. If you don't like it I won't judge (well maybe only a little bit ;) ) but if you haven't already you should give it a try :)

    1. I did try to read The Hobbit, as well, but just never got into it :P I feel bad. Maybe when I grow up :L